So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
