Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
