I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
