I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
