TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
