Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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