She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize