Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
