I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
