dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
