btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
