I want to stick my p in your. b.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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