She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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