i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
