i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he thought i was a dude.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
