woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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