hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
