There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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