When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
