I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize