You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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