arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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