I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
