I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
