We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
