Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He told me they were just razor bumps!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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