I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
