you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
