How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
