They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
