just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
