why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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