I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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