We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
