I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i think my cat just said my name.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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