is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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