I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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