Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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