Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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