You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
