im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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