it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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