he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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