i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize