Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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