sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
