We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
