Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
