Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
