The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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