we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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