Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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