he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize