Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
