Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
