sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
