He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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