I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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