dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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