U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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