"it" just moved
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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