I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
