I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
