Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You've changed since you got that strap on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
