I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
