I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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