you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
