U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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