Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
