Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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