Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
