I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize