Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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