You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
