you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
