"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
