Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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