Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
