My cat gives me a boner
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
