just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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