I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
