My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think people are normalizing furries
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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