so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
