Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
