I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize