the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
