you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
