'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
