Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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